Loving Yourself Well
When I think about February, my mind immediately evokes images of chocolate candies, red roses, stuffed bears and romance. I would imagine this association is similar for most readers. While children exchanging Valentine cards and partners initiating romantic gestures towards each other is worthy of celebration, February can also be a lonely and isolating season. The ongoing winter weather can feel never-ending, there might be grief surrounding the absence of a partner or perhaps a longing desire, which has not yet come to fruition.
What if this February, we choose to love ourselves well?
Loving ourselves well does not mean self-inflation or grandiosity. Rather, loving oneself means growing in confidence, offering ourselves grace & compassion, practicing self-care and choosing to carve out intentional space to refill our emotional tanks. The greatest gift we can offer our friends, our partners and our families, is our own health and confidence. One of the greatest joys of my work with both individuals and couples is seeing my clients grow in confidence and appreciation of their own uniqueness. Learning to love oneself might be a challenge depending on your core belief system and messages you have believed about yourself over time.
When we learn to appreciate our journey, despite its scars, and operate from a place of confidence, we are better partners, friends, parents, co-workers, etc. When we are confident, we possess the ability to practice congruent communication, meaning our words/actions/feelings align. We show up as our true selves and effectively communicate our thoughts and needs. When we are confident, we are able to recognize our strengths, know our needs, express our needs and effectively respond to other people’s needs. We can appreciate the differences in other people, especially our partner and those we share a close relationship.
My hope for each person reading is that despite the differing feelings this month can evoke, might it be an opportunity for internal growth with lasting external results. When we love ourselves well, the ripple effects only benefit any relationship.
Here are 5 practical first steps toward increasing confidence and showing love to ourselves.
1. Write
Write 5 “ I am” statements about yourself and read them 1-2 times per day. Perhaps keep them on your mirror or in your car. For example, “I am brave.” “I am able.” Take time to reflect and brag on yourself a bit.
2. Schedule:
Make a weekly schedule at the start of each week and intentionally prioritize time for yourself to do something YOU enjoy.
3. Journel:
Journal at the end of each day and jot down 2-3 things you did well that day. It might be as simple as even showing up some days.
4. Pay Attention:
Pay attention to communication patterns and recognize when your feelings and words do not align. Ask when and why this is the case? For example, am I people-pleasing because I do fear what my partner will think of me? Am I afraid that others will not appreciate what I have to say? Congruent communication is an ongoing and important skill I practice with my clients. Below is a brief video with further explanation.
3. Make Goals:
Make 1-2 goals for the Spring months. They need to be specific and attainable. These goals can be motivators on winter days to keep pressing ahead and bring hope about the future.
