How to Help Your Partner Battle Mental Illness
Helping your Partner Battle a Mental Illness
Have you ever felt helpless to change a situation for someone you love? Perhaps your relational partner is battling mental illness, addiction or difficult life circumstances. I am naturally wired to jump in and find solutions. In other words, I like to “fix” everything for those I love most. I don’t think anyone enjoys seeing those they love in pain, especially emotional pain. I have learned personally and professionally that you cannot win someone’s battle for them and you can work tirelessly, yet you cannot do the work for the other person. In fact, sitting in the pain is part of the healing journey. So, the question remains, what do you do when someone you love is hurting?
As a couples’ therapist, I frequently get asked this question. It can feel helpless and frustrating to not eradicate the pain our partner is experiencing. While we cannot battle the illness, depression, addiction, etc. for our partner, we DO have a powerful role to play in their healing journey. We can be fully present and remind them that we are here with them. While this might seem simplistic, it is actually extremely powerful and challenging at times.
Be Present
For someone battling a mental illness, healing can feel like a daunting mountain to climb. We can take their hand and remind them that the mountain they are facing gets significantly smaller when we climb it together. Being fully present or attuned, means listening to what our partner needs in this journey and responding to those needs. Perhaps sitting in their pain with them is exactly what they need to be reminded that they are not alone. The greatest role we can play as a partner is to remind our significant other that they do not have to face this battle alone and we are with them.
Encourage Them
The following taglines or phrases can significantly help those we love as they face their battles.
“I’m here.”
“I am not going anywhere.”
“We will defeat this together.”
“You are not alone.”
Couples therapist and founder of emotionally focused therapy, Sue Johnson, writes,
“If you know your loved one is there and will come when you call, you are more confident of your worth, your value. And the world is less intimidating when you have another to count on and know that you are not alone.”
Take Courage
Today, if your partner is facing their mountain and you feel helpless, remember you have a powerful role to play and your presence will make a significant difference in the battle they are facing. It takes courage and vulnerability to sit with someone in their pain and climb their mountain with them. However, these moments can also be the most healing relational moments and provide a deeper connection than ever before.
Additional Resources:
Hold Me Tight- By: Sue Johnson
Love Sense- By: Sue Johnson
